Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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