come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
