you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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