A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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