I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
