Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
