Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
