I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize