Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
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