is your mom at the bar?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
