your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
