I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are we still banned from the library?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
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