pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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