Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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