I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
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Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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