And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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