yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
