ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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