Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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