ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
try to milk me bitch
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
