If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
