why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
