she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
