but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
