Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
