I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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