What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
