as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
