sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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