she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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