i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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