just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
