Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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