I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
