ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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