My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Fuck appropriateness.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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