Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
