Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
zippers are such a cool invention
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
