I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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