Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we're so committed to being not committed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
