I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
