when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
