Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
