I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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