My room smells like vodka and shame
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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