Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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