I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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