yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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