Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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