So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
