I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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